Ghost of a flea

Be it resolved

I am not much for New Year's resolutions for much the same Quaker-related reasons I am not much for elaborate doctrines regarding sin and penetence. To sum up: if you feel bad about doing something you should probably not be doing it regardless of the day of the week let alone the time of the year. That said, some pause for reflection is not a bad idea even if it does happen to be New Year's Eve.

i. I will be a bit more patient with people.
ii. I will be much less patient with some people.
iii. This year I will get better at sorting out which kind of people I am dealing with.
iv. I will worry less about people thinking I am cool.
v. I will become more cool each day than the day before.
vi. This is the year the Flea becomes famous for being famous.
vii. I will become better reconciled to the aging process.
viii. I will stick with my slimming regimen.
ix. This will be "The Year of the Ripped Abs".
x. I will finally work out the trick of being at least two places at once.

Sarah Silverman: Amazing Grace

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance. Happy New Year!

De profundis

The School of Textiles and Design at Edinburgh's Heriot-Watt University is trying to get to the bottom of one of life's most profound mysteries (via SondraK).

Entrance to Halifax Harbour

As a welcome nod to the Year of the Veteran, the Tate Britain will be loaning A.Y. Jackson's Entrance to Halifax Harbour to the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia.

One side-effect of the loan being that some folks will get a chance to see what the painting, for example, looks like. The Tate Britain does not host an image for unspecified "copyright restrictions". Well, this is all voodoo to me. The British High Commission to Ottawa does an end-run around these restrictions by showing an image of what looks to be the cover of an exhibition pamphlet and I am sorry to say that from the squinty view thereby afforded the work looks to be a bit of a dog's breakfast. Non-Canadian Flea-readers having not been indoctrinated in the works of the Group of Seven are best referred to some much more interesting Lawren Harris paintings.

Wonder Wear

The Flea stays on top of Kate Beckinsale reportage with this costumed cavorting update. It turns out the Wonder Woman costume was not just Len Wiseman's fever dream.

Dog-Eyed Welders: My Humps

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Kwanza challenge

This Kwanza word search took 3 minutes, 37 seconds of my life I will never have again.

New bottles for some old whine

Madonna's "Confessions On A Dancefloor" has reportedly inspired a line of wines. I believe this fits both the technical and the aesthetic meanings of "brand stretching".

Once upon a time

It is all very simple really. Instead of being stranded in Annexia, I should be living in a Slim Aarons photo.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

The divine SondraK offers a penetrating insight into the enigma that is Marilyn Manson and Dita von Teese. Though her theory does not quite account for the couple representing Vivienne Westwood's spring/summer 2005 ad campaign. Such are the vagueries of taste.

Zanger Bob: Als de zon weer gaat schijnen

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.*

*With a shout out to Jeff, Bill and Ashlee Simpson haters everywhere. You all need some L.O.V.E.!

Don'ts

The Sun reviews ten style crimes of 2005. Two words: Kelly Osbourne.

Guinevere One

A website explaining the Guinevere One Mars mission is a nice complement to what turned out to be a splendid episode of Dr. Who, "The Christmas Invasion". Yes, a ballsy British Prime Minister demonstrates her independence after the fashion of every inconsequential, petty nationalist from Canada to Venezuela on down; i.e. by squeeky disagreement with an American President. But, no, and whatever the press had to say, firing on a retreating alien warship is not an obvious reference to the Belgrano. If anything, Prime Minister Harriet Jones is made out to be quite hard-headed and Blairite vs an old Labour Dr. Who. James was right to say I should have held my fire. So, my apologies to doubting supergenius Russell T Davies, even if he misses the moral point of his own writing.

The Prime Minister decides that allowing an alien warship to retreat is too great a risk. Funny thing here; these aliens had just threatened to murder one third of humanity so many might imagine her action to be quite the right thing. Funnier still; she had watched two of her advisors murdered by these same aliens even as they pled a pacifist cause and tried to explain why Earth should not be conquered on Christmas. Funniest yet; the cause of the Prime Minister's subsequent downfall is the Doctor's intervention. We are perhaps meant to understand the Doctor knows best but he is not human, let alone a citizen of the UK, and so it is difficult to see how he is in a position to judge. Especially being it was a very British cup of tea wot revived him in the first place.

Also a plus: a sneak peak at forthcoming episodes featuring Giles, catwomen and some hard-looking Cybermen. Better yet, K9! References to the forthcoming Torchwood were promising; particularly their firm action in destroying that pesky alien warship. It was great to see U.N.I.T. back on the job. Oh, and David Tennant will do very nicely.

Ne plus ultra

Milla Jovovich stars in Ultraviolet*, a vampire flic shot in HK and China by Equilibrium director, Kurt Wimmer. What's not to like? Radical chic political commentary, that's what. Though Jovovich may be forgiven for ignoring the dumb conspiracoid subtext of a popcorn thriller.

*No, not that Ultraviolet. That Ultraviolet had a smart conspiracoid subtext.

Ashlee Simpson: L.O.V.E.

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Abdul-Ben Hassan

A Former Servant of Her Majesty pointed out a small Blade Runner mystery to me: nobody seems to know who played the snake dealer. If anyone can point out the identity of Abdul-Ben Hassan that would make them, like, a geek hero of some kind.

The temptation of Eve

Enterprising church youth group leader, Stefan Wiest demonstrates the enduring appeal of mainstream Lutheran Protestantism (via Beautiful Atrocities).

I always feel like

Oh sure, but when I asked for a restraining order against David Letterman its not like I got one even temporary like. This is costing me in tinfoil, folks.

They what you will

One reason for my considerable respect for Ricky Martin has been his frak-off attitude regarding inquiries into his sex life. Though it may seem unwise for a man ducking questions about his preferences to go on about spanking; with Sky Showbiz apparently unable to translate code, his privacy would appear to be assured.

I bet they felt the same. Puh-leeze. Though I admit I am stumped by "human trafficking". Time to check my urban slang dictionary.

Alizée: La Isla Bonita

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Prince of Persia

A great little web viral for Prince of Persia. Warning: gore.

Go topless

There is something vaguely obscene and Next Generation-ish about these topless sandals.

Love, Angel, Music and a Baby

Gwen Stefani announces she is three months pregnant... congratulations! One can only wish her and "Bush" lead-singer, Gavin Rossdale all the best.

Joanna Newsom: Sprout and the Bean

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance. With more ethereal warbling at the BBC.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to Flea-readers everywhere!

Wham: Last Christmas

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Santa's wingmen

The Canadian Air Defence Sector Operations Centre will alert NORAD when Santa enters Canadian airspace where he will then pick up a CF-18 fighter escort. Children wishing to follow Santa's progress can call NORAD direct.

The collectivization of gaiety and the compulsory infliction of joy

White Peril calls it a "James Thomson" act. I will settle at "Scrooge routine". Christopher Hitchens shows his usual lack of hesitation in choosing sides in the War on Christmas; truly, a Decembrism no ex-Trotskyite can support.

It is Hitchen's remarks about Cromwell that stand out for me and I can only say I agree completely. Can it be there are people who honestly think coniferous trees, Yule logs and the 25th of December have anything to do with Biblical Christianity? Celebrate however you like but do not imagine you are standing up for revealed truth when you boo a man off stage for pointing out the obvious. Christmas springs as much from accident, expediency and convention as it does from a (pleasant) reflection of (quite sensible) mid-winter festivals. That this pagan paraphernalia should be sanctified by the folks castegating Hitch for pointing out historical fact would beggar belief but for the low opinion I have come to develop of the self-proclaimed Christian "literalists". So perhaps I am feeling a bit bah-humbuggy myself. I am not opposed to pagan paraphernalia or sentiment per se, in fact I am quite enjoying both this time of year, but this remains yet another reminder how many Christians have never bothered to read Scripture.

Humbug update: Denis Leary offers comment for those wanting to feel more Grinchy (nsfw).

Sarah Silverman: Give the Jew Girl Toys

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance (with a jingley hat tip to Matoko).

Tokyo Game Show 2005

I am not certain how I missed these images of the Tokyo Game Show 2005. Here they are then. The show also featured video games apparently.

Lego Imperial Star Destroyer

I shall not rest until I have built my own Lego Imperial Star Destroyer.

Jingle hells

The BBC considers working to a festive playlist. I used to be an assistant manager at A&A Records and Tapes, some Flea-readers may wish to google "records" and "tapes", and had the joy of a month-long Michael Jackson/Celine Dion non-stop back-to-back rotation. I know from Christmas music.

Xmas update: Even in lunch there may be no escape.

Atheist Agenda

Calling the Bible "a very negative force in the history of the world", University of Texas at San Antonio student group Atheist Agenda invited students to exchange their Bibles for pornography. Only five takers, apparently.

No word on whether the group was accepting other sacred scriptures for porn. Say, the Koran. One suspects protests at that sort of thing would be a trifle more vociferous.

The Pogues/Kirsty MacColl: Fairytale of New York

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Lynxmas greetings

The Flea's hard-hitting series, Object Lessons in Objectification™, gets into the Christmas spirit with this Lynx viral. Tssk. For shame. Etc.

Old fashioned

Modern products in a vintage light sum up much of the Flea's Existenzphilosophie.

Bleak House

It is Charles Dickens seasons: just the time for his animated life story. Wonderful. Once you are done with that, it is time to see if you can survive Charles Dicken's London...

Soviet gothic

I never understood what was up with Siouxsie and the Nazi-chic. And I have difficulty conjuring an image of a Soviet goth. Contradiction, meet terms. Terms, contradiction. Though I suppose Laibach are circling around in there somewhere.

80's Dances Instructional Video #44

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance. Useful pointers for anyone still unclear about the Flea-dance.

Soviet champagne

Soviet champagne has the same effect as something shambling about at the bottom of the stairs. You have read Lovecraft: you know it is a bad idea; but you have to open the door regardless.

Ministry of Spoof

When he offered comment on Madonna's European MTV Music Awards moment she had the good sense to leave well enough alone. Now the government of Kazakhstan has managed another stunning publicity own goal by closing Borat's website.

For anyone still still thinking the rest of "the internet" is best handed over to UN administration; it is time to think again. Following earlier complaints he was perpetuating negative stereotypes about Kazakhs, Borat responds to the government of Kazakhstan. I shudder to think he will react to the closing of his web domain. Wounded Kazakhs should at least rest assured Borat is giving them better press than he does Britain (possibly nsfw ads).

Better with mint sauce than cranberry

Thanks to remains uncovered from the permafrost of Siberia, roast mammoth is one step closer to reality.

The centre cannot hold

First worn to a Tarts, Nerds and Tourists fancy dress party, Kylie Minogue's stylist ransacked her closet for them the day before her "Spinning Around" video shoot. Purchased for 50p at an Oxfam charity shop, insured for £1m and now touring Australia: Kylie's famous gold hotpants are said to be unraveling.

All should note my restraint in foregoing comment on that last bit.

Kylie Minogue: Spinning Around

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Mini Nitros

Option the first: get some work done. Option the second: drive a Mini.

Woomba

Sure, Woomba seems like a good idea now but in the War With the Machines this is only the thin end of the wedge.

This post brought to you by

Marketers of the world take note: the Flea stands ready for all your product placement needs. Not like those tv writer artistes.*

*The Flea is also available for all your television writing needs.

Sticks and stones

Former Buffalo Sabres coach and National Hockey League coach of the year, Ted Nolan was greeted with racist taunts at a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League game between the Moncton Wildcats and the Chicoutimi Saguenéens. Nolan is an Ojibwa of the Garden River First Nation in Ontario.

Television images of the game suggest these were not scattered insults but most of the crowd, including security, deciding it was appropriate to support their side with racist insults directed at the opposing coach. The linked CTV article suggests the abuse continued after the game while SooToday reports police assistance was needed to get the team to their bus. This latter would appear to cast doubt on the credibility of those who claim Nolan mistook the meaning of the "tomahawk chops". While the Saguenéens club has issued an apology I think this incident is a reminder of a wider problem; one that gives many of us who might otherwise be sympathetic to Québec nationalism reason for pause. I believe it would be appropriate for Québec's Premier to address the issue.

He had a dream

There has been much ado about the choice of lead actresses in the film adaptation of Memoirs of Geisha. Ziyi Zhang, Michelle Yeoh and Gong Li play geisha; the erstwhile problem being that none are Japanese. Now, this is an absurd non-problem. Or rather, an actual problem masquerading as a non-problem. The non-problem being why on earth this should be an issue in the first place. Patrick Stewart managed to play a French starship captain with a RADA accent, for pity's sake. I do not recall anyone batting an eye, or any other sensory appendage, as a result.* Equally, I would be appalled if anyone were to suggest Michael Dorn could not play an excellent Henry V. I would pay to see that.

Behind this non-problem lurks the actual problem that all too many people believe identity is intrinsic and further that identity dictates ability. SFGate, for example, uses the vile phrase "ethnic slippage" to explain their objection to the casting decision. Yes, I expect there are plenty of people who think "all Asians look alike", as the article puts it. And yes, I imagine the studio was after actresses who might be taken for Japanese by an international audience and to this extent the identity police at SFGate have a point. But then I see no reason Keira Knightley or Reese Witherspoon would not have been interesting choices for a part so their rhetoric on that score fails to convince me. Perhaps the studio reflected some racist bias in its apprehended audience but this is no reason to claim a progressive authority in a position that is yet more racist. It strikes me to be a far more troubling idea that simply because a woman is an actress and Japanese that she should have an intrinsic ability to put herself in the kimono of a girl sold into sexual-slavery in the 1930s. Yes, some people do think "all Asians look alike" but it is a more serious question by far why some should think "all Japanese think alike".

Equally absurd was a CBC Hot Type interview with Arthur Golden which consisted of asking/marveling/sneering how an American Harvard graduate could possibly write a book in the first person about the experiences of a geisha. I offered some sarcastic commentary to my television set; to whit: How could Tolkien possibly have imagined he could write a character from the perspective of a talking-tree? How could Tanya Huff dare to write from the perspective of an undead bastard son of Henry VIII? How can I, as a non-Narnian, possibly empathize with the plight of those troubled by the Ice Queen?

Because ideas are not intrinsic and imagination is more important than identity, folks. A passage from "What I Tell Librarians" in Scatterbrain, another fascinating collection of Larry Niven laundry lists, seems à propos.

*I find it hard to imagine a pre-Tony Blair American television audience accepting a very British starship captain on the Enterprise and expect some Revolutionary War romanticism dictated a French identity for an obviously Shakespearian fellow. Though it is equally hard to imagine Patrick Stewart playing his supposedly French captain with an actual French accent. "We have engaged, ze Borg!" has a different ring to it, for example.

Faithless: Muhammad Ali

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance (via Bill).

Penultimate

Thanks to everyone for your Weblog Award votes! Second to last, oh yeah: Type like a butterfly! Blog like a bee!

Runner-up update: Harry Hutton considers the merits of faint praise.

Bikini Bandits Go Dutch

In case there is anyone left who still thinks television is better than "the internet", the Flea presents for your attention: Bikini Bandits Go Dutch. This video has everything. I have nothing to add to it. It is complete. An exemplar of a neo-Wagnerian Gesamtkunstwerk. Also, bikinis (nsfw language and content).

Deliciously evil

IGN ponders the top ten villainous moments in comic history. No. 5 and No. 2 both came to mind when I considered the problem.

Deliciously puzzling

About.com ponders the top ten puzzling artifacts of ancient history. And the answer to the following question is "no", btw. At least not in the sense they are implying.

Unite for Children, Unite against AIDS

David Beckham and Robbie Williams team up in a UK Committee for UNICEF campaign to raise HIV/AIDS awareness. A worthy cause even if the resulting ad is a bit earnest.

Kings of Convenience: I'd Rather Dance with You

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Star Wars

Star Wars in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

Yes, they have more money

Spirit Fingers identifies a market segment I should definitely be exploring. Perhaps there is some room for collaboration on the project.

Vincent Gallo's sperm

Ok Gallo, that thing with Chloë Sevigny in Brown Bunny? That was a problem. But this. This thing with the sperm is stepping right over the line.*

*Scroll down for the full horror.

The means must justify the end

Reports that downtown Toronto Liberal incumbent and candidate for re-election, Tony Ianno tried to barge into Flea Towers yesterday* on a vote-sucking errand offer a valuable lesson to reality television contestants everywhere. Refusing entry to peddlars and snake-oil salesmen is our habit here and this Lilliputian of federal affairs should have thought twice before putting himself in the same category. Aside from lacking Olivia Chow's alarming competence and courtesy I doubt Tony could pull off the knee-high Xena-style strappy sandals I spotted Olivia wearing down Kensington Market way the last time we went through this popularity contest a year and a half ago. Those were great sandals. But it is to digress.

My point is that Tony was trying to reach out to Annexians with a (first ever) visit and instead succeeded in losing three votes (count them, three votes, ha ha ha!). Sure, his bullying lawyer friend may have known the rules of the game but in following them managed to alienate the very people his candidate was trying to impress, i.e. the denizens of Flea Towers. Which brings me to reality television and the perils of mistaking Richard Hatch for a genius.

Hatch is a clever fellow and one would hesitate to best him at destructive gossip. His central insight into Survivor, one of the shows that got the reality ball rolling, was that while its premise and setting suggest jungle survival its core is office politics. That is to say, a context where lying, screwing people over and betraying your friends is often a path to success. Sure, people may dislike you and you will not have many friends but screw them because they will be doing your work for you while you lounge in your corner office or, better yet, gear down as you drive by the office on the way to the golf-course or your hair appointment. By the time new victims figure out what you are up to you will have the million and it will be too late for them to do anything about it.

Small group interaction does not only reward scoundrels, blowhards and the amoral but it does so often enough to be depressing to the rest of us. Perhaps this is the appeal of reality television: there is the little justice of knowing that the one keeping the car is going to be voted off the island. And I suppose the villainy of a Richard Hatch was entertaining provided his island-office was comfortably far off even as, horror-movie like, his bad behaviour expressed a truth about many people we have met.

When screwing people over in an office setting the screwed most often lack the power to do anything about their plight. The jerk's actions are often carried out with no witnesses, no paper trail and a twisted exactitude about the rules. Bad behaviour, however, is not everywhere and for everyone rewarded. It should be obvious that what works in an office, or what worked in Survivor season one, is not going to work with tens of millions of prime-time witnesses who now know what to look out for. Sure, Jim's Nietzschean ramblings might have accounted for his early success in The Apprentice: Martha Stewart but he should have anticipated these same ramblings made it impossible for Martha to hire him. And while Donald Trump hired Randal, the latest Apprentice's ungracious refusal to endorse the Donald's thoughts about also hiring Rebecca threw away the three months of good will the candidate had earned in front of an international television audience. Last night's selfish performance almost certainly cost him a fortune in future book sales alone. Saying there was only one Apprentice and not several "Apprenti" showed something unpleasant and ungenerous in his nature. Frankly, knowing this about the man I would not piss on him if he was on fire.

That goes double for federal candidates who want to earn my vote by bullying my neighbours.

*Correction: these were two Ianno minions... the man himself remains elusive.

Louis XIV: God Killed The Queen

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance (nqsfw).

The Cobblebot Caper

This Batman 2D side-scroller is a fine Friday diversion and offers some insight into the Flea's nightly patrol of Annexia (hat tip to Dodgeblogium).

There is a pun here involving Bobby waking up in the shower but it is not coming to me

Dallas hottie, Victoria Principal is reportedly set for space tourism.

Sushi etiquette

I was all set to ask the next Taisho I saw how I might identify the panda sushi on the menu but C. Buddha seems to think the whole matter is hilarious. So, they are joking about the panda then? No panda for me.

Bombay TV

Bollywood TV should come in handy for aspiring Bollywood producers everywhere.

A stately pleasuredome

Ski Dubai combines the thrill of skiing with the pleasures of plutocracy; without the inconvenience of nature or representative government. Surely a Bond villain locale in the making.

This is where a pomegranate comes in handy

There is news that inspires comment and there is news that confounds it. I imagine people will have quite a bit to say about news Kate Beckinsale "cavorts naked" for her director husband, Len Wiseman via webcam. But learning Kate Beckinsale dresses up in her gothic gear from Underworld to "keep the spark" in her marriage alive... well, the rest is silence.

I gather she draws the line at dressing up as Wonder Woman. It is good to learn even Kate Beckinsale's husband still has something to to aspire to (via Egotastic!).

Supergrass: St. Petersburg

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Manole

I managed 1123.2m with this wing-flappy game. Possible time-waster alert for the cubicle set.

Stuff and nonsense

Having a go with bullet points today. Your patience is much appreciated.

If the fetching scarf is any indication, Kylie is doing much better.

Fans are shocked to learn Madonna considered the lyrics to her single "Super Pop" too arrogant for her public image.

Posh gives a Rolls-Royce Phantom to Becks. I imagine it is a great ride.

Gwen Stefani, still in need of two names, is keeping her second solo album on hold and taking some much needed me time instead. What an excellent idea.

List action update: Hmm. These "ul type="circle"" and "li" html tags do not seem to be agreeing with my MT set-up. Any ideas what the difficulty might be? Hollow circle bullet points would be such a nice addition.

Everybody's looking for something

It isn't boorish for Annie Lennox to have snubbed an obsessed fan; I expect being pestered for autographs must be enormously irritating. Rushing to apologize when she was told the obsessed fan was in fact Orlando Bloom: that's boorish.

Puddlejumping the shark

For reasons that remain obscure to me, Canadians are being treated to the second half of the second season of Stargate: Atlantis before our American cousins south of the border. Canadians who have a neighbour with digital cable, that is.

It is with a heavy heart, and some care to avoid plot spoilers, that I report on the outcome of what should be a bit of luck, media-wise. Season one of Atlantis was some of the best science-fiction ever produced for television: fast-paced, suspenseful and witty. If not for the masterpiece revision of Battlestar Galactica it would have been the best sf on the air. It was not to last. Whatever has happened at the exec level or the writers or the drinking water in Vancouver has replaced an over-arching Wraith war story arc with quick hit ST:TOS knock-offs. Yes, we finally learn if puddlejumpers may be piloted underwater but we do so in an episode so derivative it is cribbed from a season one installment of the same freaking show. There aren't enough Heinlein or PKD plots to pay homage to? Worse is a newfound bad habit of dragging in references and characters from the original SG-1 vehicle; both lazy and confusing to new viewers. But it was last week's excuse for a montage with Teyla singing that took the puddlejumper over the shark. "Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind; Yea brother, yea", etc.

Metallica: Nothing Else Matters

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.*

*And will again, if someone can point me to an on-line video of the Bif Naked cover.

Halo Zero

Halo Zero should address all your 2D, side-scrolling evolved combat needs. The stills look great but the game gives my video-drivers indigestion so I cannot quite report on game play.

In tangential news, the new version box that Bungee built is off to a slow start in Japan.

Let's terminate it (piracy)!

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jackie Chan co-star in an anti-piracy public service announcement launched in the Hong Kong market. Because when you buy pirated movies and music the criminals have already won. Or something like that.

Grade X

London's Number 1 Westminster Bridge is one of my favourite buildings anywhere and would make for an excellent FleaHQ if only the powers the be were to turn it over to my care. I am therefore sorry to see it only manage eleventh place in a most undistinguished competition: Demolition, a four-part Channel 4 series dedicated to Britain's worst buildings. 10,000 public nominations have been narrowed down to a top twelve list* further mulled over by architectural boffins including those wise heads of the Royal Institute of British Architects. The winner: the Cumbernauld shopping centre, a Cybermen command post glowering over a Carbuncle award winning Glasgow satellite town.

Yes, the place is hideous. But it is a bit rich for the experts to be putting the boot in now given that Cumbernauld New Town was short-listed as a world heritage site by an United Nations brain-trust and its hangers on in the British architectural establishment. That and involving Janet Street-Porter in the judging process. Surely there is a Grade X listing for talking heads.

*Those twelve being:
1. Cumbernauld shopping centre
2. IMAX cinema, Bournemouth
3. Bus station, Northampton
4. Crown House, Kidderminster
5. Cement works, Rugby
6. Park Hill estate, Sheffield
7. Gateshead car park
8. Scottish parliament, Edinburgh
9. The Tower, Colliers Wood, London
10. Lodge's supermarket, Holmfirth, West Yorkshire
11. No 1 Westminster Bridge
12. Westgate House, Newcastle

Collapsing new buildings

Einstürzende Neubauten's Blixa Bargeld offers home-improvement direction for Hornbach do it yourself customers (hat tip to Jeff and his anonymous source).

Alva Noto & Ryuichi Sakamoto: Berlin

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Cheers, Helen

I may have left my horse parked in an awkward spot but after a pint or three I probably should not be driving.

Why can't I own a Canadian?

Jim asks Laura Schlessinger cogent questions regarding Scripture (via Yummy Wakame).

The undiscover'd country

Steven Malcolm Anderson, a blogger best known for an incisive wit and enthusiasm demonstrated in the comments sections of Classical Values and Dean's World, has died. His writing was distinct, even peculiar, and suggested a heart of gold. He will be missed; or as a friend of mine used to put it, he is already missing (via White Peril). Eric quotes a final comment to Classical Values:

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Marie Antoinette

Teaming up with Sofia Coppola for the first time since The Virgin Suicides, Kirsten Dunst stars as Marie Antoinette, an Austrian hottie who loses her head over fancy clothes.

18th-century Update: Now featuring a new improved Antoinette teaser-trailer screen-capture lifted from A Socialite's Life.

PussyCat Dolls feat. Will.I.Am: Beep

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance (hat tip to Antonia).

Columbian Santa girls

Hot Columbian women in spikey-heeled pvc boots and Santa outfits: that might get people's attention, I thought. After all, I expect everyone is sick to death of sweeps season here in the blogosphere. Not to fear. The votes are in for the Canadian Blog Awards and I will not be pestering you again* until possibly next year assuming I am still publishing this thing. I am pleased to say the Flea took top marks for Best Culture Blog. Thanks for your votes and your patience. Now about those Columbian Santa girls... Harry Hutton has the details.

*Though your continuing support in the American Weblog Awards for Best Culture/Gossip Blog version is still appreciated.

Bring Me the Head of Darth Vader, 1998

Current Flea-financing does not stretch to these Clive Barker artworks but it is satisfying to internet windowshop regardless.

Authorship update: It looks like that first artistically inclined Clive Barker addressing fanciful themes is different from the second artistically inclined Clive Barker addressing fanciful themes. Who knew? Not me at least. This is what I get for pining after the Darth Vader candy dish/ashtray and not reading the rest of the page.

Revolver

Relics from high profile crimes in the history of New York City, including the gun used to murder John Lennon, are on display at the Forensics Investigative Division in Queens. When officers are not busy playing with them on the shooting range, that is.

A nice cup of tea

George Orwell demonstrates how subtilized the whole business of making tea has become by contributing eleven points on the subject. He is quite wrong about sugar, of course, but even very clever chaps make mistakes.

In so far as the man has a point, it might equally be made about ruining a cup of tea by adulterating it with milk; something I never do. I may take him on his challenge for the satisfaction of proving him wrong.

Rammstein: Rosenrot

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Hood ornaments

Spirit Fingers comments on fashion foibles among Babes of the VIP Auto Fashion Show. The Babes of Number 5 are right up my street.

Ho Ho Ho

Designer and celebrity tresspasser, Joe Moretti has beaten the Flea to the punch with his Paris Hilton-themed Xmas lawn display. There is no point in trying to improve on SondraK's tagline for this story. She has pics too.

Line-Kill Spirits

Inverted Castle discovers the most Japanese fighting game ever; by which he means up-skirt "panty-shots" have been seemlessly integrated into the action. Furthermore, he has video to prove it (via Gewgaw).

Turn the lights out

I was looking at the Elton John video for "Turn the lights out when you leave" and, through a mind reeling with preterite horror, managed to formulate several questions. My first was to wonder who the guy in the video might be because he seemed strangely familiar; as if he perhaps drinks at my bar in the Annex but being out of context I did not recognize him. It turns out I am not the only one to ask this question and, thankfully, further reflection provided the answer: he is that guy from the movie with the shark. No, not that movie with the shark. The other movie with the shark; the one with Samuel L. Jackson. Though he also looks like a bit like this guy Alex who drinks at my bar.

The precarious balance humans term "sanity" as yet unshattered in my consciousness by the horror to follow, I managed another thought. The thought being that video directors should try to avoid making these promotional efforts more interesting than the songs they are meant to promote. I do not know from surreal and arty but I found I could not look away no matter how much some remaining vestige of my waking self would have wished it so. It took me a moment to realize the triste yet French-word-for-compelling woman who looked like Teri Hatcher to be none other than she herself. Other questions shambled forth: what is Teri thinking starring in a video whose effect is that of cyclopean vistas of soul-rending horror (getting to that bit) and, more to the point, how does she manage to keep in such good trim? It turns out for the latter we may thank pole-dancing, an exercise I understand is "recommended by professional strippers", while the former is almost certainly down to Elton John's desperation to appear on "bitchy and funny" television sensation; Deperate Housewives.

It all is to fall into place. A bid to appear in television's contemporary masterpiece of gnostic horror, often mistaken for a camp distraction, can only be explained as another instance of the unceasing labour of those cultists who pick away at the crumbling foundations of the Watchtowers as all the while their tenebrous masters scratch at the feeble cat-flaps of what I shall laughingly call reality; these cultists seemingly unaware or unconcerned they will be the first to be taken by the Abyss as the Old Ones reclaim what once was theirs. The Guardian might think Elton John's effort is "pure pithy Nashville" but in the man's utterly unconvincing Southern twang I could only hear the warbling of pipes given life by the dancers about the unseeing Chaos at the centre of all things. Some certainties of the universe are discomfitting but may be born in time given the failure of the human mind to correlate its contents. Such was not to be my fate. The placid island of ignorance upon which my particular mind sheltered was overtaken by the revelation to follow. I would relate the moment but to do so would only be to demonstrate the inadequacy of human language. Be warned: my tale would have included the words "Elton John" and "cowboy hat".

Two votes good, four votes better

Today is your last chance to vote Flea for Best Culture Blog (head-flappy Canadian version). Let no computer be spared! Vote from work! Help your cats vote from home!

Franz Ferdinand: Walk Away

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

The War on Christmas

INDC Journal features hard-hitting photojournalism from the history of the War on Christmas.

Chulalongkorn School of Wizardry and Witchcraft

Having taken flak for her criticism of the latest Harry Potter film installment, Xiaxue poses a cogent question; "is it thus true that you can only criticise others when you yourself is any better?" Her recasting of the "Goblet of Fire" is inspired.

Geek crush

I suppose there is no getting around the fact it was an image search that lead me to "Early Crushes of a Male Geek". But that will not stop me from passing on the link to this inciteful article making good use of the RetroCrush gallery*.

*Though how Nastassja Kinski can feature sans serpent is beyond me.

Secret shoe fetish

The Sun reports Keira Knightley's "secret shoe fetish" but does it run a picture of Keira's footware? It certainly does not. Honestly, the things some publications will do to drive traffic.

Green puppy!

Green puppy!* ** ***

*Please vote Flea for Best Culture Blog... so close... need... every... vote!

**If that does not convince you watch this and tell me you are not getting your vote's worth of culture!

***Remember: your co-workers can vote from their computers... every cubicle counts!

A little mix up

Land Securities Retail invites their exclusive cocktail party guests to try a hand at mixing a Cosmopolitan. While my first effort knocked the bartender to the floor I expect many Flea-readers will have already mastered this critical art.

More of the gin-soaked popinjay

Christopher Hitchens pines for a bibulous, cynical and slothful journalism. No matter James Bond's opinion of the profession (via A&L Daily).

Smoke signals

The Himalyan Times reports concerns about Hollywood and cigarettes. Though an image of Sharon Stone lighting up is only liable to compound the association between movies and ice-pick murder, surely a risk at high altitude.

Veni Vidi Victoria

I considered live-blogging the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on CBS last night but decided the event required a more fixed attention.

While I confess I might have observed something similar myself it is merely to quibble. And besides, candy bikinis probably count as clothes in a warm climate. While some have lamented the relative lack of protest to this year's installment I am happy to report the spectacle did not disappoint.

The Heidi Klum fembot delivered a note-perfect, if squeaky as ever, performance as Barbie-in-Chief while Mr. Klum, aka 1.5 hit wonder "Seal", was there to lend his support and warble something about not surviving unless we get a little crazy. An excellent context-specific proposition. For example, that crazy Ricky Martin sported a fauxhawk, a daring sartorial maneuvre in mixed-company. But the jiggling capstone of the event was Tyra Banks' final runway appearance for VS
complete with triumphant V sceptre. Her thoughts about her success as a top-model despite her weight were surely an inspiration to us all.

Finally, the Flea-fav moment of the evening: full marks to the model who lost a shoe but kept high-stepping it without breaking stride. A perfect Cinderella as I have no idea who she was.

Urgent Update: This just in... Seal is a 5.5 hit wonder! (hat tip to Bill)

I see you baby

Having given great thought to what might be a sufficient bribe for your continued votes for Best Culture Blog and, if you have a moment, Best Culture/Gossip Blog I settled on this mash-up of Groove Armada with the 20 Minute Workout. There is no reason Flea-readers cannot surf, drink coffee and keep fit at the same time.

Armand Van Helden: Into Your Eyes

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance. And wonder why They Live has not appeared on my cult movie lists.

Roller Rapper

While the Flea is generally attended by at least four women wearing rollerskates I have to tip my hat to Robby Love for the sax section. I was singing along with the chorus by the end (with another hat tip to the Flea's Mad Interpersonal Skillz Advisor).

The better and worse angels of our very nature

X-Men 3 promo pictures and the X-Men 3 teaser trailer are now available. Both look promising.

Shedboatshed

Turner Prize objets d'art for 2005 included a shed, an electric bicycle and what appears to be a painting of someone's rear-end. The winner: Shedboatshed. This counts as only a small step up from shark-pickling and elephant dung-painting Turner Prize recipients of yesteryear. At least shed-assembler Simon Starling intends to put his prize money to good use.

Underworld: Evolution

MTV's list of butt-kickin' women in film includes Underworld's Selene, saying the sequel fills MTV-peeps with glee for a simple reason: "the prospect of more footage of a goth Kate Beckinsdale". Quite right. And not to forget the latex. The trailer for Underworld: Evolution promises plenty of that too.

Sigur Rōs: Glōsōli

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Gorillaz Mahjong

This Gorillaz-themed mahjong is just the thing to relax with after voting Flea for Best Culture Blog and Best Culture/Gossip Blog! Especially that first one, please.

Rubber machete (slightly used)

NewLine is making Jason's rubber machete available at auction. Just the thing for your rubber-related personal security needs.

The props must flow

Costumes and props from the Sci Fi Dune mini-series are most tempting. Especially the Reverend Mother's Retract Ring. Your very own home gom jabbar death-alternative test-kit!

We are the moon squad and we're coming to town

This guide to the changing tides of space suit fashion should come in handy for those planning to venture into the nether regions of pressure. Personally, I fancy the cut of this S-2 pressure suit though the Grumman Moon Suit is better for those preferring a relaxed fit.

The Flea's Laws of Universal Natural Justice

It was Grade 10 when a best friend of the Flea, who shall remain nameless, complained to me his cheating had failed to earn him any extra credit. It is not fair, he observed o so bitterly. But it was fair, I replied o so incisively. In fact, it is one of the few entirely fair assessments in the educational process: the better you are at cheating the more marks will result. And if your cheating skills are poor you may be caught and earn no credit whatsoever. In this way was discovered the first of The Flea's Laws of Universal Natural Justice (PLUNJ).

But it is the fourth of these immutable Laws to which I draw your attention upon the announcement of the forthcoming nuptials of "goth rocker" Marilyn Manson and aptly named burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese. While the fourth law was derived from the existence of ABBA its utility as a maxim is entirely applicable in this instance. If you are in a band - if you are the drummer in a band - it does not matter what you look like: you will still get laid. So, full marks to Brian Warner for the transformation then.

Democracy inaction

Voting continues today in the Canadian Weblog Awards. It was a tight race over the weekend and I would appreciate your continued support for the Flea in the Best Culture Blog category. Every click counts!

In related news are the polls, opening today, for the Wizbang hosted Weblog Awards. I will provide a direct link as it becomes available. Why, you ask? The Flea has been nominated for Best Culture/Gossip Blog. It is stiff competition what with the delectable SondraK of Knowledge is Power in the running alongside other Flea-favs including A Socialite's Life and Spirit Fingers. I will be pleased to have my ass kicked in the democratic process by anyone on the list. But please vote Flea regardless!

Democracy update: Voting is now open!

The Sun: Lost At Home

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Planets27

It is not as if you were planning to get any work done on a Monday morning.

How To Be An Internee Without Previous Training

P.G. Wodehouse has taken some stick for his wartime radio broadcasts due to their having been broadcast from rather the wrong side of the line, i.e. Berlin. I am not certain such criticism is entirely fair. This first attempt has an air of taking the mick about it sure to have flown below the radar of German humour.

One hesitates to judge the mood of the period. Things were going badly for England while Wodehouse rested up at the Adlon Hotel in Berlin. That said, George Orwell was probably right to say "the events of 1941 do not convict Wodehouse of anything worse than stupidity". His own Bertie Wooster, indeed.

Just don't mention the metaphor

Tolkien was opposed to allegorical readings of his work but the World War II metaphor seems ever more apt with ever increasing retrospect.

This sporting life

The late lamented George Best was the first celebrity footballer and had an income to match. It did not last. "I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars - the rest I squandered."

And that was without Victoria to support. David Beckham reportedly earns £47,500 per day: it is to scrape by.

You can overcome any adversary no matter how bizarre their powers may seem

Voting in Round 2 of the Canadian Blog Awards is now open and, thanks to your votes, the Flea is still in the race for Best Culture Blog. I would be very grateful for your continued support!

Update: If you are visiting on Sunday please take a moment vote today. It is a close race!

The Streets: Could Well Be In

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Baby porcupines!

Baby porcupines!

New Sumptuousness

Danwei points to the inaugural issue of a supplement to mainland China's Lifestyle magazine. Let's see if I have this right: luxury is now an index of social responsibility. If so, then quite right. This is clearly the communism I have been waiting for. One can only marvel at the Mickey Mouse hairstyles.

Me and the motorcycle

Tokyo Times considers motorcycle content at the Tokyo Motor Show.

Showgirl interrupted

Despite a recent lull in Kylie-themed reportage, I remain adamantly committed to bringing you, the Flea-reader, the latest in Kylie-media. Conflicting reports about Ms. Minogue's health and holiday plans have not been helpful and, considering her battle with breast cancer and the difficulties attendant to cancer treatment, I have not been certain about the propriety of passing on speculations by the press. Absent reliable news it is worth once again expressing my hopes for her swift recovery and the happiness and well-being of her family. In the meantime, the Showgirl dvd release and the miracle that is "the internet" combine to provide highlights from Kylie's Showgirl tour 2005: Especially For You, Hand On Your Heart and On A Night Like This.

Ozzy Osbourne: In My Life

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

Aeon Flux

CulturePulp presents Mike Russell's Not-So-Secret-History-of-Aeon-Flux; sure to come in handy what with Charlize Theron flitting about the place in a confusing, hard-to-follow black corset.

Your Future President and Eternal Ruler

A veritable throng welcomed General Zod's announcement of his forthcoming Presidential run. Vote Zod in 2008!

C'etait un Rendezvous

Claude LeLouch's Rendezvous belatedly reminds me I am not in Paris, it is not 1978 and I do not own a Ferrari 275 GTB. Zut!

Jennifer Love Hewitt sells her body for sex

Enquiring Flea-readers want to know: what does Jennifer Love Hewitt behind bars have to do with blog awards season? And what does this have to do with selling her body for sex? Is Jennifer in danger of imprisonment should the Flea fail to take Best Culture Blog? Hardly (and I will get to the sex for money part in a moment). For one thing, I doubt Jennifer Love Hewitt reads blogs let alone has any idea of the average blogger's role in fighting crime or defending the democracy I am certain she holds dear. No, dear readers, ours is a lonely task. Made all the more lonely, I am afraid, by the fact the Flea has been nominated in the American version of the weblog awards in the very same Best Culture Blog category or that the Canadian version has a second round of voting starting this Saturday. So it is groans of frustration all round then for this seemingly interminable process.

Now, far be it from me to bribe the Flea's discerning readership with the promise of a Jennifer Love Hewitt Week if you all keep the faith but let's just say... oh yes, I was forgetting the "sex for money" issue. It turns out that in moving on from her last screen appearance in Garfield Ms. Love Hewitt has decided to take on a comedic role as a home-maker hooker in She Had Brains, a Body, and the Ability to Make Men Love Her. So this counts as news then.

Broadcast: Tender buttons

Now is the time at the Flea when we dance.

A parkland walk

Derelict London details a parkland walk from Finsbury Park via Stroud Green and Crouch End to Highgate. Sure to be some narls back there but watch out for the Wobbly.

Skeksis by any other name

This guide to the language of the Skeksis should come in handy for anyone working on their tenure track application.

CYA

Not that I mean to encourage anyone to be surfing "the internet" using a web proxy when there are more productive things they might be doing such as their gainful employment and so forth.

More human than human; that's our motto

Not that I subscribe to this sort of thinking, of course, but according to the Man Code we are expected to wait ten minutes for every point on the classic 1-10 hotness scale. So that would be an hour and a half then in this case. Not safe for work, btw, unless your work involves producing snake-oil advertising.