Ghost of a flea: Not to forget the cold antiseptic sting of the Swiss franc

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December 20, 2006

Not to forget the cold antiseptic sting of the Swiss franc

Harry Hutton has a Christmas greeting for the Swiss who, I gather, are much like top tier bloggers.

What’s wrong with being Swiss? Listen, and I’ll tell you.

The Swiss are the world’s most miserable creatures. Baffled and affronted by anyone who tries to make a joke, they fanatically disapprove of any humour that rises above the level of a clown being hit with a broom, though if you spill soup down your shirt they will laugh. Incapable of joy, they devote their dismal lives to banking and endless niggling referendums. From time to time an Italian visitor will have his car clamped, or be fined for smoking: this provides the only sour amusement a Swiss ever experiences.

After a few decades of this he dies, and the cuckoo clock croaks its mournful music over his lifeless body.

Pigeons are birds of an entirely different feather. A threatened pigeon cull in Kingston-on-Thames raised controversy in the comments at the Surrey Comet. I confess I was astonished at how long it took to raise the all important European or African pigeon question (hat tip to the Sister of the Flea).

Why not just round these flying rats up in a big net? Surely the council could find some practical use, for example setting up a tasty pigeon pie stall in the centre of town. I for one would be grateful to see these horrific beasts removed from the Royal borough altogether! They are a nuisance, and also the flying wizards of Satan. There, I've said it.

Posted by Ghost of a flea at December 20, 2006 07:14 AM

Comments

Why, oh why can't we hire marksmen to cull Satan's flying wizards in Toronto?

When will the failed Miller administration finally get into gear and authorise a bioengineering program to infuse the skeletons of live peregrine falcons with adamantium, creating the ultimate urban pigeon-destroyer (that is also impervious to building strikes)?

Posted by: Chris Taylor at December 20, 2006 10:00 AM

I am in favour of pigeon pie but am afeared of the toxic pigeon meat we would be dealing with. I cannot imagine it is much better for falcons; best give them an adamantium digestive tract too.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at December 20, 2006 10:08 AM

According to the indispensable Hinterland Who's Who, only 20% of the city-dwelling falcon's diet is pigeon. So as long as they remember to keep the diet well-balanced with all the major bird food groups, they ought to be okay. Kinda like having a burger and fries once a week -- but not for every meal.

Posted by: Chris Taylor at December 20, 2006 10:18 AM

Never mind Johnny Halliday has buggered off there from France.

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at December 20, 2006 10:28 AM

Those seagulls spell good too. About once a year you try one and they taste great and about half an hour later you remember why you stopped eating them last time; eleven secret ingredients notwithstanding.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at December 20, 2006 10:44 AM

LOL that's my annual KFC experience too...

Posted by: Chris Taylor at December 20, 2006 10:56 AM

There's always the tree-hugger solution to problem pigeons that I saw in Tübingen, Germany: Build a giant birdhouse where they congregate, then regularly replace any eggs they lay therein with stones.

Posted by: Varenius at December 20, 2006 02:32 PM

I don't care what Mr. Hutton says. I still like Jael, Swiss or not Swiss.

Posted by: JohnAnnArbor at December 20, 2006 06:47 PM

My opinion may have to be slightly revised.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at December 20, 2006 07:23 PM

See? She'd be welcome at Flea Towers, I'd imagine.

Posted by: JohnAnnArbor at December 20, 2006 10:29 PM