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August 07, 2010

Folie a deux

In the wake of Michelle Obama's Spanish jaunt, Roger Simon riffs on narcissistic personality disorder. I have been thinking along the same lines.

... there is a weak correlation between the narcissist’s behaviour and his professed or proclaimed emotions. The reason is that his emotions are merely professed or proclaimed – but not felt. The narcissist fakes feelings and their outer expression in order to impress others, to gain their sympathy or to motivate them to act in a manner benefiting the narcissist and promoting his interests.

Not joking here: Are you dating a narcissist? Seven clues to watch out for.

Sometimes your intuition is telling you something just isn't right but you aren't quite sure what it might be. Do you find yourself in a relationship that gives you some concern? Are you afraid this person has some "issues" that might cause a lot of trouble? Does your gut tell you something isn't right?

Pay attention to those gut feelings or you won't live long.

Adding to the questions at the link: Did he "love bomb" you with affection when you first met? Tell you that you made him feel like no one else ever has? Shower you with attention and affection like no one ever has? Move in within weeks and without asking? Disrespect your property? Hit you or thrown things at you then tell you you are over-reacting if you are alarmed or upset? Does he run "hot and cold"? Do you find yourself "walking on eggshells" because the rage is always just there? Does he talk about anything except himself? Does he acknowledge anyone's suffering but his own? Do you go out with your friends on your own? Is he jealous or angry when you come home? Do you spend time with your friends at all anymore or have you given up because it is too much trouble? Do you see your family or do you feel cut off from them? Do you think you know what your family think of him but you are afraid to ask? Do you know how he spends his time on his own or do the little lies and contradictions start to add up? Does he contradict himself without seemingly being aware he doing so? Does he say things and deny he has said them? Does he make impossible, contradictory demands of your time and attention? Does he tell you how to dress? Does he tell you that you disrespect his opinions? Does he judge you for believing things you don't believe? Does he accuse you of saying things you have never said? Does he tell you you're crazy or too sensitive?

Are you starting to believe him?

Has he ever genuinely, specifically apologized for anything? Has he ever genuniely forgiven you for any mistake you have ever made?

I could go on. Most books on the subject of NPD/BPD, etc. are directed toward women dealing with men who have personality disorders - more properly character disorders, in my opinion - but believe me men are just as prone to getting hooked by the female version. In the case of the Obamas, it would not surprise me to discover Barack is the codependent dupe to his wife's ambition; his upbringing and "career" suggest someone who has no clue who he is, only what other people suppose and expect him to be. Though it strikes me to be just as likely Barack is the one who does not think he has a problem. After all, he is king of the world.

Posted by Ghost of a flea at August 7, 2010 10:24 AM

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