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April 01, 2008


You are 18% likely to survive

You have an inkling of what Z-Day might hold, but overall you are going to be Zombie chow. Remember, Z-Day won't be what Romero and Synder portray it to be.

Real Zombie Survival Quiz
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Helpful: What To Do In A Zombie Attack (Complete!). They are laughing now but ask yourself the following. Who do you want as your neighbour when the zombies attack: Al Gore or George W. Bush? There is a certain grim fascination at the realization people will prepare a bug-out bag, survival gear - including weapons, and multiple emergency plans on the off chance of zombie attack but would never dream of doing the same as a precaution against natural disaster or the latest mass atrocity by the enemy.

The technical term for this is displacement. This psychic logic suggests some substantial portion of the population is waiting for things to hit the fan if only for the chance to think - and act - with clarity. I am including myself in this category. Many of us find horror fiction to be reassuring; things may have gone very badly but at long last they make sense. Having just read World War Z, I cannot say I am completely opposed to this state of affairs, either our collective repression of the horror that faces us or the liberating prospect of removing the bandage. If we are haunted it is not by the imperfectly repressed images of September 11, 2001 - or all its kindred horrors - but by the specter of the world as it was that morning just before 8:45 EST.

Update: Related... Zombie Strippers.

Posted by Ghost of a flea at April 1, 2008 06:47 AM


27% - this just sucks. I think its because I live in a city, close by an airport and a hospital, so there'd probably be too many. But, I can also get to a boat fairly fast and then its out to the Thousand Islands for raiding and partying...

But, yeah, I get your overall point. Imagining this is fun but prepping for a dirty bomb is not. I tell folks I'm prepping for zombies when they look crosseyed at my guns, but it doesn't explain the gasmasks [kits of 3 Finnish masks on sale at Centerfire for $20, BTW].

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 07:29 AM

I spend most of the day in, uhh... direct proximity to a hospital and am apparently too sentimental when it comes to relatives. I should point out one of my colleagues managed to score 3% and is now resigned to her fate as a zombie.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 08:37 AM

47% Apparently knowing how to operate heavy machinery helps...

Posted by: dpatten [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 10:15 AM

I would, BTW, want Al Gore as neighbor during the zombie invasion. I would take his mansion easily and barricade the door with his bloated corpse.

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 10:30 AM

This is an excellent point. Raiding W.'s Crawford ranch is a non-starter whereas Gore might have some solar panels that could be put to good use.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 10:34 AM

Tell 'em the gas masks are to keep from being overwhelmed by the zombie stank. Really, no one seems to bring this up, but zombies must surely smell terrible -- all that rotting flesh, halitosis from only eating raw flesh, etc.

Posted by: Andrea Harris [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 10:42 AM

"You are 21% likely to survive."

Good enough for me.

Posted by: agent bedhead [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 10:49 AM

Ah, no. They don't work for stink generally. We were goofing around with them and a pot of chili, see. LOL

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 11:24 AM

Looking at the 'survival kits galore' link and the kits are generally rubbish. I think I'm disturbed by this one.

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 11:26 AM

18% as well.

The thing I'm getting out of this quiz is that where zombies are concerned, having firearms training is less important than having access to a blunt weapon in the next 30 seconds.

Posted by: Chris Taylor [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 01:33 PM

I was feeling very pleased with myself about blunt weapon access until I realized I was in a cubicle setting. Though I have now decided my heavy-duty three-hole punch might do the trick.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 01:40 PM

Time to start carrying a M1014, folks. As I've mentioned to a couple of you here in the past, most problems can be solved with the right choice of weapon. ;)

Posted by: Damian [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 05:12 PM

"They don't work for stink generally."

Oh, bummer. (So how do they keep out the gas? Or is smell the part of gas that goes everywhere no matter what? If my own gas is anything to go by it is... That's probably more about me than you wanted to know.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 06:12 PM


Ahem. Gasmasks: They filter the particulate bits, mostly. There's some smell cut, its just basically naff.

Give an idea: In the Navy we were told about how they'd use gases in combinations, like nerve gases [which a gasmask is good for] with vomit gases [which they aren't]. The vomit gas - by smell - makes you projectile vomit up to 10 feet or more over the course of hours, yet the nerve gas lasts a mere 15 minutes or so. So you puke, the mask stretches, you die. If you don't die that way, you'll puke your guts out [literally] so they told us if we lived past the nerve gas to chew it back down so our stomachs had something to vomit [really].

Me, I figured I'd run down into the bowels of the ship like a weasel w/ ADD.

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 1, 2008 08:15 PM