Ghost of a flea: The Hidden Imam

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August 21, 2006

The Hidden Imam

In comments to my recent cartoon rant, Chris Taylor points to an alarming and sinister convergence scheduled for August 22.* On the one hand there are apocalyptic rumblings from Iran about something slouching through the dayplanners of Qom. Bernard Lewis explains:

In Islam, as in Judaism and Christianity, there are certain beliefs concerning the cosmic struggle at the end of time--Gog and Magog, anti-Christ, Armageddon, and for Shiite Muslims, the long awaited return of the Hidden Imam, ending in the final victory of the forces of good over evil, however these may be defined. Mr. Ahmadinejad and his followers clearly believe that this time is now, and that the terminal struggle has already begun and is indeed well advanced. It may even have a date, indicated by several references by the Iranian president to giving his final answer to the U.S. about nuclear development by Aug. 22. This was at first reported as "by the end of August," but Mr. Ahmadinejad's statement was more precise.

What is the significance of Aug. 22? This year, Aug. 22 corresponds, in the Islamic calendar, to the 27th day of the month of Rajab of the year 1427. This, by tradition, is the night when many Muslims commemorate the night flight of the prophet Muhammad on the winged horse Buraq, first to "the farthest mosque," usually identified with Jerusalem, and then to heaven and back (c.f., Koran XVII.1). This might well be deemed an appropriate date for the apocalyptic ending of Israel and if necessary of the world. It is far from certain that Mr. Ahmadinejad plans any such cataclysmic events precisely for Aug. 22. But it would be wise to bear the possibility in mind.

Skeptical Flea-readers might note that blood-curdling froth and nonsense are only so much Persian rhetorical embroidery on diplomacy as usual. Certainly the sage opinion of the Annex is that Iranian nuclear weapons, should they have ambitions toward any such, are nothing to be concerned about because "they would never use them." Well, thank goodness for that. But have these ~~useful idiots~~ optimists considered what Fate's other hand has in store for tomorrow? They have not. For August 22 is the date Heiress Records releases Paris Hilton's debut album. Ask the Pollyanna School of Foreign Policy to explain that one away.

As Mayor of Tehran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad widened streets in preparation for the triumphant return of the Twelfth Imam. He and his Hojjatieh brethren may be alarmed at what emerges from the Well at Jamkaran.

If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
I and I alone, oh wo-o-o

Iä! The Gods Are Crazy! Iä! The Stars Are Blind!
Iä! Iä! Hilton!

*That would be tomorrow.

Gematria Update: When proto-Semitic spelling conventions concerning the morphology and representation of complex vowels are taken into account, "Paris Hilton" is an exact anagram for "Nyarlathotep".

Posted by Ghost of a flea at August 21, 2006 08:23 AM

Comments

Oh. My. You are completely smitten, aren't you?

Posted by: agent bedhead at August 21, 2006 11:17 AM

She actually looks respectable for a change. I like that photo, it's the first I have ever seen of Paris Hilton where she is not being photographed from the left with the unchanging facial expression that highlights her lazy eye.

Posted by: Chris Taylor at August 21, 2006 11:32 AM

Agent Doherty: Can't get enough of that Imam!

Mr. Taylor: I think Paris is a much maligned young woman. I can only thank my lucky stars I did not have access to digital video technology as a young adult.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at August 21, 2006 11:36 AM

I think we're both very lucky we came of age in a time where it would have required major effort and investment to embarass oneself in front of a worldwide audience.

I am not so much slamming her as suggesting that she cleans up well. Her PR people ought to mention that it's okay to look like a human being from time to time and not the oft-seen sun-dried tabloid version of herself.

Posted by: Chris Taylor at August 21, 2006 12:09 PM

I too am baffled by the southern California aesthetic; most people on television strike me as profoundly weird looking.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at August 21, 2006 12:11 PM

Agent Doherty reporting for duty, Flea Sir!

Posted by: agent bedhead at August 21, 2006 03:10 PM

Surely she is the Goat with a Thousand Young?

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at August 21, 2006 03:36 PM

Weird looking and lazy eyes be darned...

"if she showed me her love, baby, I'd show her mi-i-ine."

Posted by: Temujin at August 21, 2006 05:05 PM

I think Nicole is a better fit for the Goat With A Thousand Young. Just so we're clear I mean Nicole Ritchie not Nicole Kidman. I doubt Nicole Kidman has any direct Mythos connection excepting her ten year "marriage" to Tom Cruise.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at August 21, 2006 05:22 PM

And by way of living out my ethos of extreme journalistic straightforwardness and integrity I am going to point out another face shot of Ms. Hilton. Not that I am endorsing the comparison, mind you.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at August 21, 2006 05:24 PM

LOL! Okay that last one is harsh, even for Hilton-haters.

Posted by: Chris Taylor at August 21, 2006 05:31 PM

Ghost of a flea

August 21, 2006

The Hidden Imam

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