Ghost of a flea: Just don't let the side down

November 17, 2005

Just don't let the side down

Aspiring citizens of the UK will be confused by new culture-themed test questions they must address on their way through the immigration process. It only shows what your average British citizenship mandarin knows about Englishness. Not much, that's what much. The correct answer is, of course, "prepare for a fight in the car park".

For example there is one that asks (and I am not kidding): "What should you do if you spill someone's pint in the pub?" The wrong answers are: "Dry their wet shirt with your own." Or "Prepare for a fight in the car park" or "Run away from the pub." The right answer: "Offer to buy the person another pint." And, no, the test was not written by Monty Python.

Monty Python, perhaps, but the English exam remains quite strict by regional standards. Scots citizenship is simpler yet as they skip the parking lot and have at it in situ. In Ireland they don't even wait for the spilled pint. Better to bypass written exams, spill a pint on prospective immigrants and observe their reaction.

Posted by Ghost of a flea at November 17, 2005 08:21 AM

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Comments

Is the Welsh equivalent that you do not wait to actually be in a pub with the person to be pre-emptively defended against?

Posted by: Alan McLeod at November 17, 2005 11:03 AM

Groundskeeper Willie: "Brothers and sisters are natural born enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! And Welshmen and Scots! And Japanese and Scots! And Scots and other Scots! Lousy Scots! They ruin Scotland..."

Skinner: "You Scots sure are a contentious people."

Willie: "You just made an enemy for life!"

Posted by: The_Campblog at November 17, 2005 08:39 PM

Skinner: "You Scots sure are a contentious people."

Willie: "You just made an enemy for life!"

Posted by: The_Campblog at November 17, 2005 08:40 PM