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March 27, 2008

Breaking news: Taliban are ignorant

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Globe & Mail globe trekking, supergenius** Graeme Smith explodes the widely held perception of the Taliban as cosmopolitan sophisticates. For one thing, the average Taliban cannot find Canada on a map. Some even have trouble distinguishing between a dessert fork and a salad fork. Therefore there is no problem and we should not interfere with their charming folkways. Move along.

In related news: The average Taliban may have achieved the same engagement with Canadian public life as the average Canadian communication studies undergraduate.* Having achieved such stellar results with no formal education, the Afghan Model suggests Canada should abandon public funding of schools from the kindergarten level on upwards and redirect spending toward vandalizing world heritage sites and a vigorous program of public beheadings.

None of them could identify Stephen Harper as the Prime Minister of Canada, and they often repeated the syllables of his name - "Stepheh Napper," "Sehn Hahn," "Steng Peng Beng," "Gra Pla Pla" - that reflected their puzzlement over a name they had never heard.

Henceforth, my Prime Minister shall be known to me as Steng Peng Beng.

* I speak from long-suffering personal experience.
** Update: Please see Damian's comment in the, uhh, comments regarding Graeme Smith. If I owe the man an apology for undue snark - and I hope I do - then I apologize unreservedly. My opinion of the Globe & Mail's agenda remains unchanged.

Update: This post is now illustrated as per the comments.

Posted by Ghost of a flea at March 27, 2008 07:34 AM

Comments

Canada as an old and destroyed city? Might make for an intriguing Gamma World campaign.

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 09:22 AM

If it was not for the AD&D alignment system, I would say Gamma World's random mutation table was the ultimate RPG achievement.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 09:38 AM

No no, the ultimate RPG achievement has to be the NPC Quick Kill chart in the Morrow Project ;^D

Related to the topic at hand: 'Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought Assassin's Creed' LOL

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 09:44 AM

I swear, we're heading towards Gamma World...

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 09:45 AM

I dig Stepheh Napper. It is the literal transcription of what politicians (of all parties) do.

Steng Peng Beng would be a top-flight name for a panda, too. I like to think its Mandarin translation is "Bowl Cut Mountain".

Posted by: Chris Taylor [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 11:44 AM

I confess I am now possessed by an unholy urge to run a Toronto-based Gamma World campaign. I am undecided whether Steng Peng Beng is a mutant or a lonely Pure Strain Human.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 11:51 AM

For what it's worth, I've heard nothing but good things about Graeme Smith from people who actually know him on a professional level. He has spent more time on the ground in Kandahar - embedded and on his own in Kandahar City and outlying areas - than any other Canadian journalist, period (he's been embedded with Cdn troops over there for over a year in total if you add it all up). I read what he writes with great interest.

Having said that, he works for a newsroom and editors that I believe have an ideological axe to grind. That headline bears very little resemblance to the content of the article. And don't forget that a frontline reporter all too often takes his marching orders from a boardroom in Toronto regarding what to cover.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: Damian [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 12:00 PM

Posted by: urthshu [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 27, 2008 12:22 PM

I have to respectfully disagree with Damian on this. The headline rather perfectly describes the content of the article, which is all about the responses of Taliban grunts to the Globe's survey questions.

To get right down to brass tacks, 246 words of about a thousand are used to buttress the point that maybe the Taliban are not so media-savvy as to be organising their attacks for maximum political effect in the West.

I guess we're supposed to buy that Smith actually wrote much truckloads more about it, but his editors chopped all the relevant bits to satisfy their agenda? Sorry, don't buy it. I kind of think pointing out their ignorance of our world, and our ignorance of theirs, was the entire point. It is a point he has made before and will doubtless continue to make.

Posted by: Chris Taylor [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 28, 2008 08:49 AM

Feel free to believe whatever you like, Chris. I'm guessing I have a bit more to go on for my belief than you have for yours, though, and I'd be happy to discuss it further with you in e-mail.

Posted by: Damian [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 28, 2008 11:41 AM