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May 10, 2005

Why I live in Canada, Part One

People of London: you are being ripped off on branded sports-casual clothing. Plus, your Harrod's is basically a scaled-up, would be up-market version of Honest Ed's. I walked out of a Marx & Sparx food outlet, abandoning my wild salmon and soft cheese sandwich alongside a bottle of Sicilian lemon and Mexican lime beverage, due to single cashier trying to fend off the supper crowd in Knightsbridge. Customer service this is not. In despair I made my way to the McDonald's next door where I asked in a fit of utter naivite what the special might be today. "We have single sandwiches as well as meals," replied the quite lovely but not quite English-speaking cashier. I directed my question to the manager who looked at me as if I had used a day pass and escaped from a home for special people. "Ahh," I said, "this is not north America." Thereby confirming his suspicion. I could sense every mind within earshot putting me in the ugly American box because I had the temerity to assume this was a business that had to, like, compete by offering the occasional special offer. But I had the last laugh. This was an ugly Canadian. Think of Canadians being bad and letting everyone think we are American as the flip side of those apocryphal Americans trekking about Europe with maple leafs sewn to their backpacks.

Posted by Ghost of a flea at May 10, 2005 11:51 AM

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Nick Packwood, adrift in London, achieves new cultural heights for all Canadians travelling overseas: I could sense every mind within earshot putting me in the ugly American box because I had the temerity to assume this was a business that... [Read More]

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Comments

Specials at McDonalds?? What kind of country you guys running up there? I shudder to think what reaction I'd get if I asked for the specials at a McDonalds in Oakland...

Posted by: beautifulatrocities [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2005 01:53 PM

Two generations of welfare culture, Nick, you know that - witness the results. That, and the last remnants of "mustn't grumble" clinging in the wrong places.

On the whole "Ugly Canadian" bit, tho - was in a Basque tapas bar in Barcelona a few years ago enjoying some lovely cider and seafood and reading the Economist when a couple of Americans (boy and girl, mid twenties, obviously working abroad in their company's branch plant) took a place beside me at the bar. The usual chitchat, vague sexual testing of possibilities passed between them, then inevitable conversational exhaustion, which prompted the fellow to turn to me for distraction.

"The Economist, huh? You're American?"

I responded quickly and entirely instinctually.

"Er, no, English, actually," I said in my best drama school Limey.

"Oh - hey, sorry. Didn't mean any offense, okay, buddy?"

"Of course. Not a problem," I said, and turned back to my magazine and cidra.

It was amusing, but disturbing at the same time - why had I immediately turned British, instead of just telling the truth? And why did he turn all apologetic and defensive just as quickly? I'll make no excuses for what was obviously vestigial Canadian anti-Americanism (I hope I wouldn't do the same thing today), but his response still mystifies me.

Posted by: rick mcginnis [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2005 11:12 PM

Two generations of welfare culture, Nick, you know that - witness the results. That, and the last remnants of "mustn't grumble" clinging in the wrong places.

On the whole "Ugly Canadian" bit, tho - was in a Basque tapas bar in Barcelona a few years ago enjoying some lovely cider and seafood and reading the Economist when a couple of Americans (boy and girl, mid twenties, obviously working abroad in their company's branch plant) took a place beside me at the bar. The usual chitchat, vague sexual testing of possibilities passed between them, then inevitable conversational exhaustion, which prompted the fellow to turn to me for distraction.

"The Economist, huh? You're American?"

I responded quickly and entirely instinctually.

"Er, no, English, actually," I said in my best drama school Limey.

"Oh - hey, sorry. Didn't mean any offense, okay, buddy?"

"Of course. Not a problem," I said, and turned back to my magazine and cidra.

It was amusing, but disturbing at the same time - why had I immediately turned British, instead of just telling the truth? And why did he turn all apologetic and defensive just as quickly? I'll make no excuses for what was obviously vestigial Canadian anti-Americanism (I hope I wouldn't do the same thing today), but his response still mystifies me.

Posted by: rick mcginnis [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2005 11:13 PM

(Sorry for the double post, Nick. Your security measures are a bit byzantine, I'm afraid.)

Posted by: rick mcginnis [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2005 11:14 PM

In my experience, anyone who refers to "North America" as a cultural entity and not a land mass is Canadian, though you're probably right that the people around you assumed you were from the States.

BTW, if you visit McDonald's outlets in Asia, you'll get specials--though they sometimes have more of the air of the "special" in "special people" than in "special discount." In October, there's a "Moon-Viewing Burger" available here in Japan--essentially a quarter-pounder with a fried egg on top. In winter, I think, it's time for the "Kalbi Burger," which is, yes, a hamburger crowned with Korean barbecue. The Japanese appear not to think there's enough protein in a hamburger to keep our hair and fingernails from falling out.

Posted by: Sean Kinsell [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 11, 2005 06:39 AM